Welcome to 2007 -
The Year of the Red Pig

The Lunar New Year begins on February the 18th when Chinatowns the world over will resound to the rattle of firecrackers. The sweet smell of incense will waft around temple compounds: oranges and mini-orange trees will be given and accepted, red and gold Lai See packets holding “lucky money” will be donated and received, and a great old time will be had by one and all.

This is, according to some comen, sorry, Feng Shui experts, the year of the Fire Boar, but when it last enjoyed a zodiac year in 1995 I recall the Hong Kong Bank minting gold coins to celebrate “The Year of The Pig”, and HSBC do not make such mistakes.

One so-called expert has revealed the following profound predictions:
“The year of the Fire Boar will bring interesting developments, both positive and negative.”

Wow!

“Some businesses will thrive while others will go under.” How did Greenspan keep his job for so long with this lady around? “The year will be characterised by the clashing elements of fire and water, and this could lead to conflict, tragedies and illnesses.” Conflict: Does she mean the Middle East, Iraq, Afghanistan, North Korea, Africa etc.?
Tragedies: I suppose it’s a safe bet to predict that there will be an earthquake, or a violent storm somewhere this year. Illnesses: No one really expects a cure for AIDS, H5N1 or the common cold during 2007; or do they?

This prediction lark is fun. I think I’ll give it a go, so let’s start with you pigs out there.

For those born in the year of the Pig:
1935-1947-1959-1971-1983-1995-2007!

Since this is your year, I’m going to let you hog the limelight, as it were, and pay less attention to the other eleven animal signs.
This will be an average year for you Pigs, although you will enjoy a bit of luck in business and financial affairs. Do not, however, be too trusting as is your nature, for backstabbers will be all around you this year. I wonder if Julius Caesar was related to a pig. Never mind, eh?
You will have to apply caution and to keep cool; assessing situations before becoming involved. Always have a plan B up your sleeve. Keeping a cool head may lead to promotion at work, but do not delegate too much responsibility to others; remember the backstabbers?

On the health front you should increase your health insurance cover as it looks like being an accident-prone year ahead. You will need to pay special attention to your respiratory system, so give up smoking, move out of Chiang Mai, and don’t take another breath until you reach the Antarctic. If you can hold your breath for that long you have a promising future as an extra in Happy Feet-2.

Your digestive system will also need some looking after, so stop eating like the pig you are. Cut out all the foods you like, and when you are sick of salads, pop into your local and order a fat-free whisky and a packet of free-range pork scratchings.

There is good news on the financial scene; you will be pleased to hear. I must, however, offer a note of caution here. Do not get involved in any get rich quick schemes; they simply do not work. If you have several million to invest, the editors of this august publication will be delighted to forward to you my home address. This may change on a daily basis, but don’t be concerned. On second thoughts, I’ll contact you.

Finally, your love life could be affected by your need to be in control. If you are a man, remember that women are always in control no matter what we may think.

If you are a woman—give the guy a break; you may be the Pig, but I’m willing to bet that it is him who is bringing home the bacon!
Your element is water, but remember, as I said at the outset, there is fire around this year, and these elements do not mix well. Ask the Chiang Mai Fire Department if you doubt me.

Famous Pigs include authors Stephen King and Ernest Hemingway, dancer and choreographer Fred Astaire, who was famous for his flashing trotters, and perhaps the greatest Pig of all time, Henry V111-King of England, who devoured anything placed before him, including many young wives.

For those born in the year of the Rat:
1936-1948-1960-1972-1984-1996-2008

Rats can look forward to a prosperous year, and why not? Rats work very hard to achieve their goals, and tend to be driven perfectionists. If you are a Rat you will be known for your charm and generosity, particularly with those you love. You Rats tend to be a bit materialistic, and a sure sign that one is in the home of a Rat is that it resembles a furniture showroom. While loving and affectionate, Rats tend to fly off the handle at the slightest provocation, so the advice this year is to keep your cool and cash in on that charm.
Famous Rats include Marlon Brando, Gene Kelly, and William Shakespeare; that famous advertising copy writer who, when asked to come up with a slogan for an off-season camping equipment sale wrote—“Now is the winter of our discount tents.”

For those born in the year of the Ox:
1937-1949-1961-1973-1985-1997

Oxen can look forward to an excellent year. I am not yoking; just look at what the ancient runes said when I cast them on the ground. The Ox can expect to enjoy a very lucky and smooth 2007, with job recognition, fewer worries and the best of fortune. You Oxen make great leaders, being patient and quiet; good listeners who inspire confidence in others. Oxen tend to be tenacious, a quality that often leads to great success in life. Like your friend the Rat though, you tend to be quick to anger.

Famous Oxen include Meryl Streep, Dustin Hoffman, Napoleon, Adolf Hitler, and Jack Nicholson-“I run my unit how I run my unit. You wanna investigate me; roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4,000 Cubans who’re trained to kill me, so don’t think you can come down here, flash your badge, and make me nervous.”

For those born in the year of the Tiger:
1938-1950-1962-1974-1986-1998

The wild Tigers have been having it their own way for a few years now, and this good fortune is set to continue throughout the year of the Pig. Tigers should be a little more cautious this year, however. The Pig will invite the Tiger to the party, but the guest may find himself overspending, especially early in the year when the old zodiac sign raises his energy. The Tiger must control his urge to jump and learn instead how to walk at the steady pace of the Pig. Face it, oh striped one, unless you are of the Jewish faith you will find yourself walking alongside your next meal.

Famous Tigers include Marilyn Monroe, Natalie Wood, Karl Marx, and the late, and highly respected British actor, Sir Alec Guiness, who delivered the memorable line—“So, Luke, you want to be a Jedi.”

For those born in the year of the Rabbit:
1939-1951-1963-1975-1987-1999

Rabbits will sail through this year without any major problems. Indeed this is the year for Rabbits to embark on bold new ventures, fulfil long cherished plans. It is also a good year for those born under the sign of the bunny to make major purchases: a new home, that new car, a cup of coffee from one of those international chains with branches in Chiang Mai where one can take out a ten-year mortgage on a cup of Java!

Famous Rabbits include Bob Hope, Ali McGraw, Ingrid Bergman, George C. Scott and Orson Wells—“Rosebud.” Can you imagine your last word on Earth being the name of a sledge?

For those born in the year of the Dragon:
1928-1940-1952-1964-1976-1988-2000

Dragons had a tough time during the last twelve months in the year of the Dog. Every day seemed an uphill battle, but you can expect some respite in this, the year of your pal the Pig. Use this year to renew your strength, to rest up for what promises to be a very busy and successful year of the Rat next year. Self control does not come easily to you Dragons, but use this year for planning and rest. You might be frustrated with family members and colleagues at work, but remember, it’s not their fault that you have no energy left after what you had to cope with last year.

Famous Dragons include John Lennon, Ringo Starr, and
George Bernard Shaw-“When a man wants to murder a tiger, it’s called sport; when the tiger wants to murder him it’s called ferocity.”

For those born in the year of the snake:
1929-1941-1953-1965-1977-1989-2001

Snakes are seductively charming and mysterious people of great wisdom. Outwardly calm and quiet; intense and passionate on the inside. Snakes are expected to face an abundance of opportunities this year. There will be dramatic events, both good and bad, spread throughout the next twelve months.

Famous snakes include John F. Kennedy, Jackie Kennedy, Henry Fonda, and Mae West—“It’s not the men in my life that count; it’s the life in my men.”

For those born in the year of the Horse:
1930-1942-1954-1966-1978-1990-2002

The Horse is cheerful and gregarious; popular, perceptive and warm-(can you spot me?). This is a year for Horses to steer clear of monetary risks (don’t worry, I’m broke). We horses are advised to avoid confrontational situations as the year is going to be a difficult one. Still, we Horses tend to be independent and often ignore advice; so let’s charge ahead regardless.

Famous Horses include Barbara Streisand, Rembrandt, Rita Hayworth, and Sean Connery—“To cultivate an English accent is already a departure from what you are.” Couldn’t have shed it better myshelf, big man.

For those born in the year of the Sheep:
1943-1955-1967-1979-1991-2003

We know you Sheep had a tough time during the last twelve months, but there is no need to get the flock out of here in 2007. The year of the Pig will be a great one for ewe. Business, romance and social successes are all on the cards for the Sheep this year, so enjoy.

Famous Sheep include Brook Shields, Robert De Niro, Barbara Walters, and John Wayne—“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” Well said, pilgrim.

For those born in the year of the Monkey:
1944-1956-1968-1980-1992-2004

You cheeky monkeys tend to be mischievous, inquisitive and adventurous by nature; and please, don’t change. This will be a wonderful year for the Monkey, with solutions being found to problems, promotion at work and money flowing your way from all directions.

Famous Monkeys include Bette Davis Nelson Rockefeller,
and Julius Caesar—“As a rule, men worry more about what they can’t see than about what they can.” Oh noblest Roman of them all, hadst thou but heeded this rule and looked over thy shoulder, thou wouldst have seen them coming!

For those born in the year of the Rooster:
1945-1957-1969-1981-1993-2005

Roosters should keep a tight hold of the purse strings this year, and take more time to reach decisions concerning all matters fiscal. You roosters tend to be loners: deep thinkers, busy and talented, but a bit off the wall as well.

Famous Roosters include Carly Simon, Goldie Hawn, Anne Murray
and Peter Ustinov—“Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.”

For those born in the year of the Dog:
1946-1958-1970-1982-1994-2006

Dogs will enjoy both good fortune and good health this year, despite causing so many problems for those born under other signs last year. The good news comes with a rider; avoid making loans to family or friends.

Famous Dogs include Shirley MacLaine, Judy Garland, Donald Sutherland and Michael Jackson—“Me and Janet really are two different people.” I’ll buy that, Mike, but you and La Toya are one and the same, yes?

Whatever your zodiac sign, we wish you a wonderful year of the Pig.